Ah self-love. Tricky territory.
It may sound egocentric, but these days we are all wrapped up in ourselves. Given the naturally egoistic inclination of human nature, it is such an easy habit to develop. Classes and workshops on self-love, self-acceptance, self-concern and so many other self-indulgent habits are popping up like mushrooms after a shower, and it is only a matter of time before it consumes us all.
But in the midst of all this self-love, what is it that we are really seeking? Is it love that we are seeking? If so, what kind of love? Do we truly want to find peace with ourselves, or are we looking out of the corners of our eyes to see if everyone else is loving us, for loving ourselves? Quite often, the latter is the case.
If I love myself, then maybe THEY will love me, right?
Not necessarily. Loving ourselves does not guarantee that we will be loved by others nor will it warrant any sort of fondness and affection from them.
Some people use self-love as an excuse not to change. So often, we are lazy or afraid or even too arrogant to allow change to happen. After all, change can be daunting. It can even be painful. Sometimes, we “act” like we genuinely love and accept ourselves completely so that we can remain within that comfortable bubble that we have built for ourselves. And as time passes, we begin to resent growth, oppose it, even. In this context, fake self-love can be even more destructive than arrogance.
So what exactly is self-love? In contrary to DOING, self-love is more about FEELING. Forget about self-pampering and finding your inner zen, none of these will make a difference if you never truly learn to love yourself. Self-love has to radiate from within. It is not self-pity, nor an excuse to be ignorant. Self-love is strength, confidence, stability and trusting in ourselves. It is the ability to continue flying on a broomstick when someone breaks our wings, but at the same time, it is also being able to know when to land when we are caught up in the clouds.
Yes, loved is messed up. But beautifully, remarkably and understandably so. Love yourself, not for others. Love yourself, for yourself.